Labor, Laila and Loss Pt. 2

My husband was with me every step of the way during the chain of events leading to Laila's birth and death.  He cooked, cleaned and made sure that we were taken care of and still fulfilled the everyday demands or his job and school.  I felt like a bum because I could only sit on the couch while watching him do everything.  I wanted so badly to at least wash a dish or put away the silverware, but he would always tell me to "sit down and relax yourself". 

I distinctly remember hearing God say Trust Me. At first I just sat there without any type of response or emotion. I thought I was just hearing or thinking things. Then I heard it again, Trust Me. I instantly responded and said, okay Lord, I hear You.  I trust You.  At that moment, I knew that something was going to occur.  I just didn't know what.  I knew that I would not be in an ideal situation and I would be uncomfortable, but still in all, I trusted Him. Psalm 91came back to me...He was preparing me for something..But what?

On the morning of May 31, 2012, I was like a little kid going to Disney World.  I never thought that I would be so happy to see the normal over cast of clouds in the state of Washington. The fifteen minute drive to the hospital was wonderful.  I was literally able to have a breath of fresh air. We arrived to the hospital at my appointed time, which was the first thing in the morning.  I remember sitting in the waiting room while my husband was eating his breakfast.  The ultrasound tech came in with a warm smile on her face and announced my name.  As I entered into that dark room with the ultrasound monitor, waiting to see how my baby girl was handling everything, a calm came over me and remained there throughout the duration of my pregnancy.  As the tech squirted that warm jelly and put the ultrasound transducer onto my belly, I was overjoyed to see my little princess once again on the screen.  She told me that the cerclage was doing it's job and that Ms. Laila was doing wonderful.  That was music to my ears.  She then printed off a picture of the ultrasound and gave it to me.  Little did I know, that would be the last.

After my ultrasound, the doctor came in "reassure" me that everything was okay.  I then voiced a few concerns about whether or not my amniotic sac was leaking or was I having normal discharge from the sutures.  Without physically examining me, she told me that it was probably from the sutures and as long as they were in, I would have it.  I then also asked her about a slight "crampy" feeling in my abdomen.  She told me that it was normal and if anything gets worse to go directly to the Labor and Delivery.  After that appointment, I was elated and "sure" that everything was going well.  I even made a few phone calls to some relatives to let them know that Ms. Laila Rose and I were doing wonderful.  My main concern was for my baby girl.  I didn't care how much pain I had to endure, just as long as she would be okay. In retrospect, I did indeed endure pain (of losing a child) and I know that she is okay now (with the Lord)....to be continued.